Getting to grips with managing your confidence involves learning. We have already seen how being calm in the mind is important for consolidating learning based on facts and evidence, rather than the feelings and impressions that our emotional-thinking, survival brain conjures up. Effective learning requires dedicating time to paying attention to what matters. You can only do that properly by stopping paying attention to everything else that’s going on in your world.

So stop! Settle down! Pay attention!

Accept that emotions are usually in poll position when you’re all revved up for action. Step back, take a deep breath, and let them go. Only then start reviewing what is happening in your life and confidence. Be objective and kind in your exploration. Maintain an open mind. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself ‘what went well’ (www) and follow it up with ‘even better if’ (ebi). This is how teachers leave praise and suggestions for improvement on their pupils’ homework – always encouraging while avoiding the dangers of the fixed, all-or-nothing mindset (see Confidence Habit No.9).

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash.