Your Confidence Habit 20: Suggest it to yourself

“When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.” Émile Coué Émile Coué was a French psychologist and pharmacist who introduced a popular method of psychotherapy and self-improvement based on optimistic autosuggestion. In the same way that we can distract ourselves from our… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 20: Suggest it to yourself

Your Confidence Habit 19: Purpose, Plan, Progress

Putting things into perspective takes practice but can become a habit – one that can help you as an individual and a member of a team to make better, more-informed decisions. We have seen how discussion using open questions promotes a sense of psychological distance, which helps to calm both the mind and the body. The… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 19: Purpose, Plan, Progress

Your Confidence Habit 18: What if? If, then…

“Fearless means trusting your instincts and clarity of thought. Once you have made up your mind, don’t be scared of what if.” Ravi Shastri It is normal to feel afraid of the multitude of unfortunate, unpleasant and painful outcomes that we can encounter in life. Death, bereavement and grieving are natural aspects of our human… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 18: What if? If, then…

Your Confidence Habit 17: Anticipate. Accept. Act.

“Let anxious anticipation evolve into effective preparation.” Quentin Smith Let’s not kid ourselves: increasing our self-confidence in handling difficult situations does not then make us like or enjoy these situations. They can still be as challenging and fear-inducing as they were before. What has changed is your reaction to them – and your self-belief in… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 17: Anticipate. Accept. Act.

Your Confidence Habit 16: No Time For Rumination

Rumination 1. A preoccupation with particular thoughts, usually of a highly distressing kind. 2. The chewing and swallowing of food that a person has regurgitated. When you fear that your self-confidence is about to abandon you, here’s one thing that you should definitely NOT do: Do not put your tongue up your nostril! Don’t be… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 16: No Time For Rumination

Your Confidence Habit 15: Build Your Self-Belief

“Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments.” Albert Bandura Why does climbing mountains feature so frequently in metaphors about effort and achievement? Perhaps it’s because it evokes emotions and sensations within us (panting, legs aching, carrying a heavy daysack, helping each other… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 15: Build Your Self-Belief

Your Confidence Habit 14: The Varying Degrees of Success

“Success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out.” Robert Collier How many darts do you expect to throw to hit the bullseye? While it is probably fair and noble to aim for the highest possible attainment, we do ourselves a disservice when we believe and expect to achieve maximum… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 14: The Varying Degrees of Success

Your Confidence Habit 13: Psychological Distance

“The greatest tragedy for any human being is going through their entire lives believing the only perspective that matters is their own.” Doug Baldwin What happens when you try to pay attention to everything all at the same time? You easily become overwhelmed. The feeling of being unable to cope with the demands that life… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 13: Psychological Distance

Your Confidence Habit 12: Ask Questions

“The greatest tragedy for any human being is going through their entire lives believing the only perspective that matters is their own.” Doug Baldwin What happens when you try to pay attention to everything all at the same time? You easily become overwhelmed. The feeling of being unable to cope with the demands that life… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 12: Ask Questions

Your Confidence Habit 11: Thinking Errors

“To arrive at a contradiction is to confess an error in one’s thinking; to maintain a contradiction is to abdicate one’s mind and to evict oneself from the realm of reality.” Ayn Rand We can all be quick to jump to conclusions about situations, particularly when our emotions are running. For example, as soon as… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 11: Thinking Errors

Your Confidence Habit 10: Reflective Time

“What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.” W.H.Davies Getting to grips with managing your confidence involves learning. We have already seen how being calm in the mind is important for consolidating learning based on facts and evidence, rather than the feelings and impressions that our emotional-thinking,… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 10: Reflective Time

Your Confidence Habit 9: Avoid all-or-nothing thinking

“Truth is not in the middle and not in one extreme; it is in both extremes.” Charles Simeon Your emotional-thinking brain is designed to make very quick designs in order to help you survive. It doesn’t have the time to weigh up every possible option (that’s what your logical-thinking frontal lobe does). It certainly doesn’t… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 9: Avoid all-or-nothing thinking

Your Confidence Habit 8: Be kind to yourself

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Æsop “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” Richard Bach Who would you say is your worst and fiercest critic? How often are you able to escape their criticism and to find a safe, quiet space in which to lick your wounds,… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 8: Be kind to yourself

Your Confidence Habit 7: Your emotional needs

“I have emotional needs that I didn’t know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn’t know weren’t really needs.” Dov Davidoff What do you need in order to feel confident and happy? We all have basic human physical needs, such as the need to breathe, eat, drink, sleep, to use our senses, and… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 7: Your emotional needs

Your Confidence Habit 6: Be curious

“If you can let go of passion and follow your curiosity, your curiosity just might lead you to your passion.” Elizabeth Gilbert Now that you are calmly and willingly accepting yourself and your reaction, thinking about what it is you are expecting to happen in any given situation – and what control you have in… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 6: Be curious

Your Confidence Habit 5: Your expectations

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” Michael J. Fox What do you think will happen next? When does it happen? What happens? What can you do about it? Our survival-oriented brain is constantly taking in information from the environment via its various sensory systems and evaluating… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 5: Your expectations

Your Confidence Habit 4: Don’t compare yourself to others

“The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday”. Unknown As social animals, it’s only natural that we observe others around us and make comparisons with them: how big and strong, clever and good-looking they are compared with us. There are advantages in recognizing talent and success in other… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 4: Don’t compare yourself to others

Your Confidence Habit 3: Notice your reaction

“Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.” William James The therapist Arnold Lazarus in the 1980s devised a way of observing and tackling our reaction to stress, categorising it by 7 modalities. Observing our reaction to a perceived challenge in this way not only briefly distracts… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 3: Notice your reaction

Your Confidence Habit 2: Emotions take priority

“One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” Friedrich Nietzsche. As humans, we can exhibit a wide range of emotions through our facial expressions. Scientific opinion as to how many ‘universal’ emotions we possess varies, but there is general agreement around… Continue reading Your Confidence Habit 2: Emotions take priority